St. Louis, Missouri, USA
877-888-3573
info@highorbit.com

Business As Usual, Episode 10: Have You Seen Me? (Part 2)

HighOrbit Logo

Bailey, Frost & Myrrh present

Business As Usual
Episode 10:Have You Seen Me? Part 2…Someone Will Die… Inside!

Like sand in the Vaseline, so is a day in the life for the folks at Bailey, Frost, ad Myrrh. In today’s episode, “Hey! Who ordered the milk?”

“Keep dumping!”

Dale, the soon-to-be-probably-fired head of the branch office of Bailey, Frost, and Myrrh, is barking orders at literally no one in particular. It’s currently MHOD… Most-Hands-On-Deck… for the folks standing at the dry creek bed behind the building.

Today’s Cast Includes:

  • DaleDALE FRENCH
    Assistant Manager
  • MollyMOLLY HOBBY
    Administrative Assistant
  • GregGREG
    Mailroom
  • larryLARRY
    Purchasing Manager
  • dougDOUG
    Lead Computer Specialist
  • BrendaBRENDA
    Customer Service
  • RandallRANDALL
    Mailroom
  • Bryson MyrrhBRYSON MYRRH III
    The Boss

larry

LARRY
“We are dumping!”

Molly

DOUG
“This is all your fault, Dale!!”

Dale

DALE
“How the hell is this my fault?!”

Brenda

DOUG
“Because you, Dale, are the freaking boss of this office!
You should have stood up to that idiot!”

Dale

DALE
“Really? You really look at me as the boss? I… I don’t know wha…”

Brenda

DOUG
“Shut up, you moron! You should have told Bryson Myrrh, that absolute crackpot of a human…thing…that this was a crappy idea from the start! And then, you should have stood your ground with that troglodyte of a truck driver when he delivered twenty-four-HUNDRED half-gallons of milk with that idiot’s face plastered on the side of them!”

Dale

DALE
“He threatened my wife and kids!”

Brenda

DOUG
“You don’t have a wife and kids!”

Dale

DALE
“I will someday!”

Brenda

MOLLY
“Boys, this is not helping!” [exasperated]

Molly’s long longed-for assistant, Genevieve, has recebtkt quit over the potential mass extinction of the entire ecosystem of the fish hatchery downstream… thanks to the dumping of twenty-four-hundred half-gallons of milk into the creek behind the offices of Bailey, Frost, and Myrrh.

Genevieve’s 2015 arrest for breaking into a factory to save a family of minks from being turned into a coat did not show up on her background check. Another item that did not show up was the fact that those minks, upon escape, fled to a neighboring county where they promptly devoured a near extinct sub-species of whooping crane which had just been reintroduced into the wild. Genevieve has never quite gotten over it.

Greg

GREG
“Oh, c’mon…it’s not that bad. Besides, I’ve been wanting to try these bad boys* out before my trip to Canada next month! I’m not getting’ a drop on me!”
[*Refers to the Orvis Duck Hunter 9000 Hip Waders he’s sporting over his completely dry linen J. Crew pants, paired with his pink Izod golf shirt and white Polo boat sneakers.]

Doug

RANDALL
“That’s because you’re not doing a damn thing!”

Genevieve

GREG
“Have to keep up appearances, Randolpho. Someone’s gotta look good for the cameras.”

Doug

DALE
“What cameras?” [exhausted]

Genevieve

GREG
“The ones from the TV stations that Brenda is talking to at the front of our building.”

Doug

DALE
“WHAT?! Oh no… no no no… this is so bad!”

Molly

DOUG
“I’ll see if I can’t pull up the live news feed on my phone.”

Brenda, the customer service representative with the heart of gold…gold being hard as a rock and not able to beat properly… is answering questions from the news media.

REPORTER #1
“And so what exactly is going on behind your building?”

Molly

BRENDA
“Here is what’s going on: none of your (Bleep) (Bleep-Bleep) business!”

REPORTER #2
“Well can you comment on the literal river of milk that is currently emanating from the rear of your office?”

Molly

BRENDA
“My foot is going to be emanating from your (Bleep- Bleep) (Bleep-Bleeping) rear if you don’t stop asking me these lame questions!”

REPORTER #1
“And are you in charge?”

Brenda

BRENDA
“No, that would be Dale.”

REPORTER #2
“Dale?”

Dale

BRENDA
“Yes. D. A…”

Brenda

DALE
“Motherfu…” [eyes bulging out of his skull]

Dale

DOUG
“Dale, face it, man…it’s your fault. You could have had this whole thing shut down immediately had you just used HighOrbit.”

Brenda

DALE
“I didn’t place the order!”

Doug

DOUG
“No, you didn’t. But HighOrbit gives us the process that could have stopped it. The second that Molly tried to order something so catastrophically expensive, HighOrbit immediately would have blocked it until it received approval from the boss. That boss…being you. And then, you would have seen this stunt for what it was, and either ended it cold, or sent it on to approval from the higher higher-ups, who would have had Bryson incarcerated for stupidity.”

Brenda

DALE
“Ugh…this is just great! I can’t believe that this is how I have to spend my last minutes before being take to the pokey!”

The bleeps are still coming from Doug’s phone, as Brenda is just getting warmed up with the news media.

Molly

MOLLY
“How did they even know that we were doing this?”

Molly

DOUG
“Because I called them.”

“WHAT?!” Everyone gasps.

Molly

BRENDA
“Why you son of a…”

Dale

DOUG
“And we’re not going to jail, either.”

Molly

RANDALL
“Okay, wha… how… what the hell, Doug?!”

Brenda

DOUG
“I did a little digging into that fly-by-night company that Bryson Myrrh III found on the web. It turns out that they buy their milk straight from a dairy farmer before it’s pasteurized, and then they re-sell it, which is completely illegal in this state. So not only are we not breaking any laws, but we’re doing the EPA a favor by dumping it.”

Molly

MOLLY
“But what about the fish hatchery downstream?”

Doug

DOUG
“This creek goes nowhere near a fish hatchery. It’s nothing but a spillway. One good rain will wash it all away.”

Molly

LARRY
“But you made it seem like we were all going to jail.”

Doug

DOUG
“Which is what got you to work so hard. If I would have said it was no big deal from the start, no one would have lifted a finger until we had 2400 half-gallons of rotting raw milk on our loading dock.”

Molly

DALE
“So we’re not…”

Doug

DOUG
“Nope.”

Molly

MOLLY
“But what about the fish hatchery downstream?”

Doug

DOUG
“Well, I now have a new buddy at the EPA. They were apparently trying to bust this milk re-selling syndicate for years, and our little mess-up cracked the case for them. So when they asked if there was anything they could do…”

At that very moment, ten officers from the EPA barged into the No-Tell Motel room off the Interstate where Bryson Myrrh III had been holed up since the local office of Bailey, Frost, and Myrrh had made the news channels. As the agents swarmed in, Brenda could be heard bleeping up a storm on the television.
 
“Bryson Myrrh III?” boomed the officer. “Environmental Protection Agency. You’re under arrest.”

Molly

BRYSON
“AGAIN?!”

Meanwhile.. back at the BFM office…

Molly

MOLLY
“You really are the smartest man in the room.”

larry

DOUG
“Damn straight, I am. And Molly? Next time, every time, just use HighOrbit, Capiche?”

Molly

MOLLY
“Caposh.”