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Business As Usual, Episode 12: The Boss Strikes Out

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Bailey, Frost & Myrrh present

Business As Usual
Episode 12:The Boss Strikes Out

Like sand in the Vaseline, so is a day in the life for the folks at Bailey, Frost, and Myrrh. In today’s episode… what the #%@! does that say?!

“Sign here please, ma’am.”

A delivery man is standing at the front desk of Bailey, Frost, and Myrrh with a box full of possibility and a smile. He’s smitten with Brenda, the receptionist who is thinking impure thoughts about the fellow in the brown uniform in front of her.

Today’s Cast Includes:

  • DaleDALE FRENCH
    Assistant Manager
  • MollyMOLLY HOBBY
    Administrative Assistant
  • dougDOUG
    Lead Computer Specialist
  • GregGREG
    Lead Salesperson
  • RandallRANDALL
    Mailroom
  • BrendaBRENDA
    Customer Service
  • larryLARRY
    Purchasing Manager

Brenda

BRENDA
“Where would you like me to sign, sugar?”

The delivery man gulps, quickly assessing that if she were to ever get a hold of him, she might just break him in half.

“Um… he… here,” he stammers, handing Brenda his portable signature terminal.

She takes it from him and writes her signature with the stylus. She licks her lips as she hands it back. The delivery man looks at the signature only to realize… she didn’t write her name. It was more like a very specific suggestion… with an expletive. The delivery man hands the box to Brenda without blinking, and quietly backs his way out through the front door.

Brenda

BRENDA
“Okay, who the hell ordered something from Jerry’s Sports Apparel?”

Larry

LARRY
“I didn’t.”

Randall

RANDALL
“I didn’t either.”

Dale

DALE
“Nothing came through me.”

Brenda

BRENDA
“Well someone ordered it!”

Doug

DOUG
“But it wasn’t anyone from here.”

Randall

RANDALL
“How do you know that?”

LARRY

LARRY
“Yeah, how do you know that?”

Doug

DOUG
“HighOrbit.”

Dale

DALE
“What do you mean?”

LARRY

LARRY
“Yeah. What do…”

Doug

DOUG
“Shut up, Larry!”

LARRY

LARRY
“Sorry! Geez!”

Doug

DOUG
“HighOrbit would have tracked all of this. If someone from here placed the order, it would have sent an alert to Larry letting him know that there was a purchase order, which would then go to Dale for final approval.”

Randall

RANDALL
“What about me?”

Doug

DOUG
“You’ve been locked out since week one. Anyway, the whole thing would have been started by Molly, and neither she, nor anything to do with Jerry’s Sports Apparel, is anywhere in the HighOrbit system at the moment.”

Dale

DALE
“Where is Molly, anyway?”

Larry

LARRY
“Yeah, where…”

Randall

RANDALL
“Larry!”

Just then, Molly walks into the room. She’s on her cellphone.

Molly

MOLLY
“Yes, sir.”
“Yes, sir”
“I think it’s a wonderful idea sir.”
[The look on Molly’s face shows that she does, in fact, not think this is a wonderful idea.]
“And what a cute name. The BFMers. Ha ha. That’s a good one, sir.”
“I’ll tell them. Okay. Bye, now.”

Molly

MOLLY
“Sweet mother of God.”

Dale

DALE
“What?”

Molly

MOLLY
“That was Bryson Myrrh the third.”

Brenda

BRENDA
PFFFFT!
[She has just spit Diet Coke all over her computer monitor, completely saucing half of the screen. Solitaire will be over for a while until she gets this cleaned up.]

“Bryson Myrrh the turd? What the hell does that son of a…”

Molly

MOLLY
“Brenda,he’s trying to make amends for the milk fiasco a few weeks ago. These are shirts for the local third-grade baseball team that Bailey, Frost, and Myrrh is sponsoring. He’s calling them the BFMers.”

They look at her in silence..

Molly

MOLLY
You know… like the other words made from those letters, but not?”

[More silence.]

“Because it’s for kids?”

[Stunned silence.]

Brenda

BRENDA
““Oh never mind, let’s go ahead and open the box.”

Randall

RANDALL
“I’ll do it!”

[He races to the desk and pulls a bowie knife out of his pocket, much to the shock of… everyone. He expertly slips the blade through the packing tape. He rips the last remaining remnants and quickly opens the box, almost putting his head inside while bubbling with excitement.]

“Oh my God!”

Doug

DOUG
“What’s wrong?”

Randall

RANDALL
“I… I can’t.”

Larry

LARRY
“Holy shi…”

Dale

DALE
“Are they bad?”

Larry

LARRY
“Oh, they’re bad.”

[He reaches into the box and slowly lifts a shirt out, holding it up for the others to bask in the true glory that is having the words Bad Mother#%@!ers emblazoned across the front.]

Dale

DALE
“What in the name of all that’s holy?”

Greg

GREG
[Sashaying in the front door, wearing a Hugo Boss black suit with a white Calvin Klein band-collar linen shirt and Ferragamo loafers.]

“Hey! I see the new sh… oh my GOD what does that say?”

Doug

DOUG
“Wait, you knew about this?”

Greg

GREG
“WelL… kinda…”

Dale

DALE
“Just tell us what happened.”

Greg

GREG
“So the bossman wanted to look like a hero, and my sister’s kid’s friend’s baseball team was looking for a sponsor. So I connected them. But seriously, how could this even happen?”

Molly

MOLLY
“This is why. On the Directions portion of the receipt, in that idiot’s handwriting, it reads, ‘I want BMFers big and loud, right across the chest!’ BM3”

Dale

DALE
“Huh, His initials could stand for ‘bowel movement three.”

Everyone laughs, except for Randall.

Randall

RANDALL
“Had he used HighOrbit, someone would have caught that letter reversal mistake.”

Doug

DOUG
“Did you really just say that?”

Randall

RANDALL
“I’m not a complete moron, Doug.”

Molly

MOLLY
“But what are we going to do about this? For God’s sake, we can’t let third graders wear those.”

Just then, an old grizzled baseball coach walks in the front door.

“Hello, you young people,” says the coach. “I was told I could pick up some baseball jerseys here.”

Everyone turns to Greg, who now looks like someone has just kicked his dog.