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Business As Usual, Episode 13: He’s Exposed!

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Bailey, Frost & Myrrh present

Business As Usual
Episode 13:He’s Exposed!

Like Sand in the Vaseline, so is a day in the life for the folks at Bailey, Frost, and Myrrh. In today’s episode… sometimes life just kicks you in the you-knows!

“It’s the latest craze in Hollywood. I heard George did it. So did Leo.”

Greg, the tall drink of salesman water at Bailey, Frost, and Myrrh, is fully chuffed today. He’s dressed from head to toe in black cashmere. Even his shoes are cashmere, which is really… something.

Today’s Cast Includes:

  • MollyMOLLY HOBBY
    Administrative Assistant
  • dougDOUG
    Lead Computer Specialist
  • GregGREG
    Lead Salesperson
  • RandallRANDALL
    Mailroom
  • larryLARRY
    Purchasing Manager

Greg

GREG
“And now that I finally have insurance from BFM, I’m gonna get off with a dinky little co-pay.”

Larry

LARRY
“Management gave you insurance? How the hell did that happen?”

Greg

GREG
“All thanks to the new pay, Larrinator. My sales numbers are kicking more ass than Chuck Norris in a donkey factory, so they’re upping me with health insurance and a fatty raise.”

Doug

DOUG
“It’s not that fatty.”

Greg

GREG
“Make your little jokes, but you and I both know that I’ve been killing it this year.”

Molly

MOLLY
“So what are you going to do with your raise?”

Greg

GREG
“I’m glad you asked, Molly Malone. I’m saving a few shekels of it to vamoose my impending co-pay from a little medical procedure I had done on my vacation last week.”

Molly

MOLLY
“Are you alright?”

Greg

GREG
“A-okay, Mol. Just a little twist and shape in the Netherlands.”

Randall

RANDALL
“You went to the Netherlands?”

Doug

DOUG
“No, you idiot. He’s talking about his nether-regions.”

Greg

GREG
“Or as I like to call it,’the unholy trinity.”

PFFFFFT!

Coffee. Randall’s mouth. Molly’s blouse. Again.

Doug

DOUG
“Finally got neutered, huh?”

Greg

GREG
“For your information, I got a hernia fixed, and the twins shaped, all at the same time,”

Larry

LARRY
“Excuse me?”

Greg

GREG
“It’s called Stone Sculpting. And it’s all the rage.”

Doug

DOUG
“Where?” Uzbekistan?”

Molly

MOLLY
“It sounds intriguing. What is it”

Greg

GREG
“Uh…well.”
[Greg has just realized that he is, in fact, in mixed company. He’s also never seen this look in Molly’s eyes before. It reminds him of Pepé Le Pew, but female. Broth is now seeping from his Jockeys.]

Doug

DOUG
“Yes, tell us.”

Greg

GREG
“So a few weeks ago, I had a pain down…there, and I thought I should go check it out. So I went to my buddy at the Doc-In-The-Box, and he said that one of my huevos had been twisted from the time I was a kid. So as he’s mapping out a blueprint while palming Minneapolis and St. Paul, he says that one of them is naturally larger than the other, and you know how OCD I am about my symmetry.”

“No, actually!” says literally everyone.

Greg

GREG
“So I ask if he can make them congruent while he un-Chubby Checker’s lefty, and he tells me about this hot new procedure that not only shapes the plums, but irons the pillow case, too. I gotta say, I was skeptical, but man did it work! I feel like I’m eighteen again!”

Doug

DOUG
“Months?”

Greg

GREG
“Years!”

Molly

MOLLY
“So, it’s like a facelift for your naughty parts?”

Greg

GREG
“Uh… kind of?”

Randall

RANDALL
“That could not have been cheap.”

Greg

GREG
“Insurance, Randalpho! The doc’s an old friend. He’s not technically approved to do it, so he needed a guinea pig to practice on. I got the extra curriculars done as a freebie while he was doing the covered medical procedure.”

Doug

DOUG
“Oh… I wouldn’t be so sure of that one.”

Greg

GREG
“Who says?”

Doug

DOUG
“HighOrbit.”

Greg

GREG
“That stupid program that we use for ordering pencils and scheduling plant waterings?”

Doug

DOUG
“Stupid? Are you kidding me? Had you actually paid attention to your little sliver of our HighOrbit universe, you would have seen how it could have helped you. But instead, you ignored it. And now, your ignorance has turned into you not having insurance.”

Greg

GREG
““What the hell are you talking about, Doug?”

Doug

DOUG
“HighOrbit has the terms of your new contract laid out right here.”

Greg runs over to Doug and looks at the screen.

Greg

GREG
“That’s accurate. Six percent and insurance.”

Larry

LARRY
“You only got six percent?”

Doug

DOUG
“And Dale, our fearful leader extraordinaire, has signed off on it. See his e-signature?”

Greg

GREG
“Yeah. So what?”

Doug

DOUG
“Look who has yet to sign off on it.”

Right on the HighOrbit screen, there are five unopened messages to Greg asking him to verify the terms of his new contract.

Greg

GREG
“So?”

Doug

DOUG
“So, your new terms don’t take effect until you sign off on it, which HighOrbit has been trying to get you to do for almost a month now.”

Greg

GREG
“So this means…”

Doug

DOUG
“…that you’re paying cash for that little procedure of yours.”

Greg

GREG
“I think I’m gonna be sick.”

Doug

DOUG
“Maybe you should go see your friendly Doc-In-The-Box.”

Molly

MOLLY
“I’ll drive you.”