Bailey, Frost & Myrrh present
Like sand in the Vaseline, so is a day in the life for the folks at Bailey, Frost, and Myrrh. In today’s episode, paradise is found… and lost!
“Pack your bags, peeps!”
Larry, the head of accounting… even though he doesn’t know much about accounting… has just strolled through the front door wearing a shirt containing more foliage than Tuscany in the springtime, white nut-hugger shorts, and Birkenstocks. Randy, the talentless, soulless department head of nothing is unimpressed.
Today’s Cast Includes:
DALE FRENCH
Assistant Manager
MOLLY HOBBY
Administrative Assistant
RANDALL
Mailroom
LARRY
Purchasing Manager
GREG
Lead Salesperson
DOUG
Lead Computer Specialist
BRENDA
Customer Service
RANDALL
“Thomas Magnum called… he wants his shirt back.”
GREG
“PFFT!”
[spits his entire mouthful of Keurig Mountain Breakfast Blend across the room]
LARRY
“Laugh all you want to, but I will be stylin’ and profilin’ this little bad boy on the beaches of Waikiki soon enough.”
MOLLY
“Wow! Waikiki! Why?”
LARRY
“Why? Why not?!”
BRENDA
“I don’t know who you think your fooling, but you don’t have any time to be sunnin’ your buns on any beach. You’re already halfway through your PTO allotment for fiscal 2022.”
LARRY
“But it’s not for vacation. And I’ll let you in on a little something else. We’re all going,”
RANDALL
“You’re full of sh…”
LARRY
“No I am not, Randall. It’s all legit.”
GREG
“What do you mean legit?”
LARRY
“Every year, we get an allotment of money for ‘team building’ exercises. We haven’t done a damn thing in the seven I’ve been here. So I figure we have a boatload of pooled money to play with. Why not Waikiki?”
RANDALL
“A., you’re an idiot. And B., there is no way on God’s green earth the brass is gonna pay for us to go surf-pounding in Hawaii.”
LARRY
“Oh, but I think they will. That’s because I’ve signed us all up for a corporate motivational seminar my buddy is giving at the hotel.”
GREG
“What’s it called?”
LARRY
“Only You Can Help You!”
GREG
“PFFT!”
[losing his java again]
MOLLY
“I don’t know about this.”
BRENDA
“When you say we’re ‘all’ going, do you mean ‘all management’ or ‘all-all’?”
LARRY
“All-all, babe.”
RANDALL
“Holy crap! We’re all gonna get lei’d! Woo hoo!”
BRENDA
“You know, I always knew there was something good about you.”
LARRY
“Besides, I put the requisition in last Friday after 5pm. It’s so buried. By the time anyone ever notices the bill, we’ll be slathering on the aloe back home on our couches.”
DOUG
“That’s what you think.”
DALE
“What the?! Who the?!”
Doug starts laughing ominously. The smiles around the lobby of Bailey, Frost, and Myrrh fade like the sunset they will never see on Waikiki Beach.
LARRY
“Something wrong, boss?”
DALE
“Who the #$%& put in a $24,000 purchase order for a #$%&ing trip to Hawaii?!”
MOLLY
“Oh my God, you didn’t tell Dale?
LARRY
“I didn’t think we’d get caught! How the hell did he find out?”
DOUG
“Because I told him.”
LARRY
“Why you motherfu…”
DOUG
“Actually, I can only take partial credit. It was really HighOrbit who did my dirty work.”
LARRY
“What the hell is High Orbit?”
DOUG
“It’s our system for handling literally every single process you can imagine here at BFM. Purchase orders, payroll, and yes… requisitions. You were dead the second you inputted that hair-brained idea of yours.”
LARRY
“I bet you got a damn text the second it happened.”
DOUG
“As a matter of fact, I did. As did Dale… who would have known sooner had he known how to turn on his smartphone, which he doesn’t.”
BRENDA
“You know, I always knew you were an a-hole.”
DALE
“There better be a damn good reason for this. There better be an even better reason why my name was used to make it!”[holding a printed should-be-hidden requisition]
GREG
“Air-five.”
[peeking at Larry]
“Greg and Larry give each other a small fist-bump from five feet away.”