St. Louis, Missouri, USA
877-888-3573
info@highorbit.com

Business As Usual, Episode 7: Fool Me Twice!

HighOrbit Logo

Bailey, Frost & Myrrh present

Business As Usual
Episode 7:Fool Me Twice!

Like sand in the Vaseline, so is a day in the life for the folks at Bailey, Frost, and Myrrh. In today’s episode, Dale brings impropriety to the highest level since… ever!

“She is out of her damn mind!”

Brenda, the customer service rep with the warmth of a well-digger’s rear in January, is utterly befuddled that Genevieve, the smart young college graduate who left the lobby of Bailey, Frost, and Myrrh in a cloud of dust and an orchestration of phalangeal obscenity not two weeks ago, has returned.

Today’s Cast Includes:

  • DaleDALE FRENCH
    Assistant Manager
  • MollyMOLLY HOBBY
    Administrative Assistant
  • RandallRANDALL
    Mailroom
  • larryLARRY
    Purchasing Manager
  • dougDOUG
    Lead Computer Specialist
  • BrendaBRENDA
    Customer Service
  • GenevieveGENEVIEVE
    Assistant

Brenda

BRENDA
“What the hell is she even doing here?”

Molly

MOLLY
“It took me approximately twenty-three hours of begging and pleading over the last week to convince her that she would be a great asset here, and that I needed her more than oxygen or food.”

larry

LARRY
“I hope she stays longer than last time.”

doug

DOUG
“Don’t bet on it. Dale is doing her entry interview now.”

Randall

RANDALL
“Dale?! Why?!”

Molly

MOLLY
“Well, he’s the boss, Randy. It’s his responsibility to welcome her to the company.”

doug

DOUG
“And we’ll probably welcome a harassment lawsuit thanks to that buffoon.”

Molly

MOLLY
“He’s not that bad, Doug.”

PFFFT! In an amazing piece of timing, Doug, Randy, Brenda, and Larry all spit out a mouthful of coffee as they were facing Molly. Everyone freezes as the regurgitated java droplets are instantly absorbed by today’s layer of her dry shampoo.

larry

LARRY
“Ooops.”

Brenda

BRENDA
“Do you want to clean up?”

Molly

MOLLY
“I’m fine.”

doug

DOUG
“Sorry about the spit-bath, Molly, but if you really want this new girl as an assistant, you have to put an end to the inquisition in Dale’s office, pronto.”

Molly

MOLLY
“Do you really think so?”

doug

DOUG
“Follow me.”

Doug takes Molly by the hand to walk up to Dale’s office door. The rest of the staff follows them.
 
Randy looks at Brenda.

Randall

RANDALL
“Shouldn’t you stay up front to answer the phone?”

Brenda

BRENDA
[Shoots him a look that intimates ‘If you say that again, you lose an unmentionable body part.’]

Randall

RANDALL
“Never mind.”

doug

DOUG
“I’ve got an idea. Larry, call my phone.”

larry

LARRY
“Why would I call you? You’re right here. And you think you’re the smart one.”

doug

DOUG
“It’s not to talk, you walking void! I’m going to connect our phones, and then I’m going to slide yours under the door so we can hear what the hell is going on in there.”

larry

LARRY
“How are we gonna hear what’s going on when the phone is going to be in there?!”

Brenda

BRENDA
“Just when I thought you could be no stupider…”

doug

DOUG
“It will be connected to my phone out here, where I’ll put it on speaker so we can hear in there, idiot.”

larry

LARRY
“Ah, I got it now.”

doug

DOUG
“I doubt it.”
[Once connected, Doug gets down on all fours and pushes the phone under the door. It slides perfectly across the carpet, under Genevieve’s chair, and right in between the feet of Dale, the office manager of their Bailey, Frost, and Myrrh branch.]

The workers huddle around the phone outside as Dale continues onboarding Genevieve inside his lair… I mean his office.

Dale

DALE
“And you went to…”

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE
“Eastern University.”

Dale

DALE
“And you graduated…”

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE
“Four months ago…”

Dale

DALE
“And you owe…”

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE
“Owe what?”

Dale

DALE
“Student loans. How much do you owe?”

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE
“I don’t see how that…”

Dale

DALE
“I need to know what I’m dealing with in case the I.R.S. brings the hammer down on you and garnishes your wages for lack of payment of your student loans.”

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE
“Seriously?”

Dale

MOLLY
‘Wave off! Wave off!’
[Molly’s voice through the phone.]

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE
“What did you just say?”

Dale

DALE
“I didn’t say anything. We’ll get back to your student loan delinquency later. Now, are you here legally in the United States?”

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE
“I was born in Philadelphia.”

Dale

DALE
“You didn’t answer my question.”

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE
“Yes, I’m an American citizen. Born and bred.”

Dale

DALE
“You don’t have to get huffy with me, young lady! I’m doing you a favor.”

doug

DOUG
‘Shut up, Dale!’ [coming from the phone on the floor]

Dale

DALE
“What did you say to me?!”

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE
“I didn’t say anything to you!”

Dale

DALE
“Yes you did, you told me to shut up!”

All of a sudden, Dale’s door bursts open, with Randy, Brenda, Molly, Doug, and Larry doing their level-best impression of human dominos, ending up in a pile beside Genevieve’s feet.

doug

DOUG
“She didn’t tell you to shut up, Dale. I did!”

Dale

DALE
“You? Wait… how the ?!”

doug

DOUG
[Doug stands up, walks behind the desk, reaches down between Dale’s feet, picks up the phone and throws it back to Larry]
“What the hell were you thinking, Dale?”

larry

LARRY
“Yeah, what were you thinking?”

Dale

DALE
“Shut up, Larry!”

doug

DOUG
“This whole thing could have been done the right way if we’d only used HighOrbit.”

Dale

DALE
“What the hell does HighOrbit have to do with this?”

doug

DOUG
“With HighOrbit, this whole thing could have been streamlined. With minimal documentation provided by Genevieve, we could have checked references, set up insurance and employment contracts, even gone over her initial role in the company, which was helping Molly, not you! It could have even told you what not to say… including everything that escaped your pie hole over the last three minutes!”

Molly

MOLLY
“Genevieve, I need you. I’m working too much. I’m spread too thin. I’m always so tired. And I haven’t washed my hair in seven weeks.
I promise, you’ll work for me and me alone. I’ll look after you, and I’ll make sure you don’t end up like me.”

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE
“Molly, I trust you. I think we can make this work.”

She stands up, and she and Molly hug. As they do, Molly puts her hand on Genevieve’s back and rubs in a circular motion, like a mom. Genevieve inhales deeply at the shared moment, before something peculiar enters her olfactory system.

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE
“Um…Molly?”

Molly

MOLLY
“Yes, Genevieve?”

Genevieve

GENEVIEVE
“Why does your hair smell like a mixture of stale coffee and regret?”

larry

LARRY
“Oops.”